This week we discussed the afterword entitled “Rolling Out Radical Candor.”
You
- “Much is written about self-awareness — the ability to recognize your own strengths and weaknesses. There’s less written about relational awareness — the impact you’re having on others.”
- Improve using role plays and storytelling
- Practice: What’s your story?
- Geoff found this exercise difficult, given many of the situations are organic (i.e., not scripted or predictable), and can occur over a span of years. Recalling those events and the context around them seems cloudy for him.
- Radical Candor story: Can you remember a time you were screwing up, someone told you, and even though what they told you stung a bit in the moment, it helped you in the long run?
- Obnoxious Aggression story: Was there a time when you offered criticism, just trying to be helpful, but the other person experienced you as obnoxiously aggressive?
- Ruinous Empathy story: When did you fail to give some feedback, just to be nice, only to see the person suffer as a result of failure to correct bad behavior?
- Manipulative Insincerity story: When did you fail to tell a person directly about a problem, but you instead talked to others?
- Practice: The Feedback Triangle
- Participants: feedback giver, feedback recipient, observer
- Geoff said this sounds like a cool idea as an interactive exercise; it probably works best when facilitated, especially for the observer.
Solicit Criticism First
- “There’s an important order of operations to Radical Candor: (1) solicit criticism, (2) give praise, (3) give criticism, (4) gauge the criticism and adjust, (5) encourage praise and criticism between others.”
- “The goal of soliciting feedback is not only to help you be more self-aware, but also to create an atmosphere in which all employees feel sufficient psychological safety to give each other Radically Candid feedback.”
- “When the CEO solicits criticism and rewards people for giving it to them it sends a signal to middle managers that they should do the same.”
- “Another great time to solicit feedback is when people are really angry with you. It’s instinctive to avoid people when they are mad, but this is the moment when you’re most likely to hear the unvarnished truth.” Geoff wondered how accurate this is; people can be hurtful when emotionally charged. Jamie suggested writing down what they say and processing it later with them. There is an underlying assumption that you care personally. Jameson said it’s not a good practice to get into these heated situations in the first place, but it may be the only time you get candor from them. Dennis said over time you will test the boundaries to find out where there is conflict; from there, you have enough rapport as you get to know one another such that you can resolve that conflict.
- There is an assumption that we should inherently trust that people want to default to Radical Candor.
- We talked about some situations where it’s not possible for everyone to get along. Dennis said that conflict can be a learning opportunity.
A Go-to Question You Can Actually Imagine Asking
(I didn’t have anything for this section. It seems like a reference for types of questions you could use if stuck.)
Embrace the Discomfort
- “Often people will be quiet after you ask. Resist the temptation to fill the silence. Silence is uncomfortable for you and for them, but your job is to endure it and even embrace it.”
- There’s a spectrum of how uncomfortable this is. Houston says this feels like socially manipulative way to get someone to talk. Jameson said he’ll often listen while people vent until they reach out for input.
Listen with the Intent to Understand, Not To Reply
- “Find a partner to practice with (coworker, friend, family member). One person speaks for three minutes, and then you switch roles and listen to the other person speak, uninterrupted.” Geoff thought this would be an interesting exercise for the “talkers” in your organization. Jameson asked who good partners would be for practicing, and wondered whether this kind of training is all that helpful. Houston gave an analogy about learning to play baseball: You don’t begin learning by having someone pitch baseballs to you; you start with tee-ball. You need to start with structure to help you train for the real thing. With similarity comes comfort.
- Our brains are set up for expectations. For example, if you’re disciplining a child that typically talks back and all of the sudden they are compliant, you’d be taken aback at the sudden change in behavior that seems out of character for them. Don’t make big changes quickly, because people will think you’re disingenuous. Go with your gut; if you don’t know, assume good intent. Geoff mentioned that he sometimes has an emotional reaction to deliberative people (i.e., those that probe to understand and find issues). You need to understand the strengths of others and use those strengths to your advantage.
Make Listening Tangible: Reward the Candor
(I didn’t have anything highlighted in this section.)
Build It into Your Existing Schedule
(I didn’t have anything highlighted in this section.)
Praise: Focus on the Good Stuff. Really.
- “When you’re leading a team, criticism is like your brake and praise is like your accelerator. If you want to go somewhere, you’ve got to use your accelerator more than your brake. If you never use your brake you crash and never get anywhere. And you’ll feel safer pressing your accelerator if you know your brakes work.”
- “The goal of guidance is to help others succeed, not to prove how smart you are.”
Apply the Same Discipline to Praise That You Do to Criticism
- “While the primary purpose of praise is to show people what direction we’re headed in/what ‘good’ looks like, this short exercise is an effective, quick, way for people to develop a greater sense of appreciation for each other, and themselves.”
Gauge Criticism
- “Unfortunately the world isn’t ideal, and sometimes, no matter how clearly you point out a problem, the person takes no action. In these cases, you may have to fire the person.”
Diversity and Inclusion
(I didn’t have anything highlighted in this section.)
What’s Next?
(I didn’t have anything highlighted in this section.)