This book by Max Yoder was recommended to me by Emily Moses (Chief People Officer at Lirio) shortly after she was hired. Emily and I enjoy reading about company culture and self-improvement, and this was one of the many titles we exchanged during our first meeting.
This book has some “plays” you can add to your playbook for showing up more at work (and in other areas of your life) and is applicable across industries and job titles. It’s a short book that can easily be read in an afternoon.
- Be vulnerable.
- Share before you’re ready.
- Look for opportunity.
- Ask clarifying questions.
- Highlight what’s working.
- Have difficult conversations.
- Get more agreements.
- Bring brightness to the room.
Be Vulnerable
- “If you’re committed to progress, you can’t very well claim to have it all figured out.” – Steven Pinker
- We need to break the Western stereotype of those at the top being able to do everything below them in the org chart and having the answers. Good leaders ask questions instead of know answers.
Share before You’re Ready
- Instead of leaders knowing the answer, leaders learn the answer.
- The author highlights a procedure for “How to share before you’re ready.” Maybe I find this less odd because of my software background where you’re expected to ship partial working stuff more frequently. Also, peer review is part of my DNA; I can’t imagine doing any job without it.
- Another technique I’ve seen about getting early feedback is to tell people what they’re about to see is only 80% (or some other low percentage) done and to ask for general feedback rather than polish.
Look for Opportunity
- Threat mindset vs. opportunity mindset – things that happen are either a threat or a potential for change.
- I hadn’t heard the story of how Steven Spielberg was almost fired from Jaws because the mechanical shark hardly worked. Instead he showed scenes that hinted or implied the shark was there, leading to more suspense. The shark is only visible four minutes out of 124 in the film.
Ask Clarifying Questions
- The curse of knowledge is real – not everyone knows what you know and it’s hard to imagine what it’s like to lack that knowledge.
- Practice asking clarifying questions as a skill so that when you’re under pressure you continue to do so by default.
- Helpful questions
- What’s our goal here?
- Have we talked to anyone who has tried this before?
- Can someone repeat back what they just heard me say? I want to make sure I’m being clear.
Highlight What’s Working
- It’s natural for us to focus on problems and how to fix them; things that are working look like they are “boxes already checked.”
- Appreciative inquiry – what’s going well around here, and how to we do more of it?
- Provide more concrete examples of what doing a job well looks like.
- Give people specific feedback (e.g., “Your examples resonated with me because you tied each one back to a team objective” instead of “Great presentation!”).
- You need a balance of problem-solving and appreciative inquiry.
Have Difficult Conversations
- Conflict isn’t inherently bad.
- Fragile = easily broken, robust = stays more or less the same, antifragile = improves under pressure
- Non-violent communication (NVC) is a tool to have these conversations; these involve observations, feelings, needs, and requests.
- We are responsible for how we feel; feelings are different from thoughts.
- “We are accustomed to thinking about what’s wrong with other people when our needs aren’t being fulfilled.”
- Things can be missed in the moment; follow up afterward to affirm.
Get More Agreements
- “Agreements” here are what I call clearly managed expectations with as few assumptions as possible.
- When you fall short, own it and figure out the next step. When the other person falls short, own the process of getting it back on track.
Bring Brightness to the Room
Be aware of how you show up to interact with others, as it will influence others’ behavior.