August 31, 2020

Radical Candor – Part 11

This week we wrapped up Chapter 6 (guidance).

Formatting note: I’m trying to strike a balance of codifying the useful tips the book covers, but we as a group skip because we don’t have anything noteworthy. Paragraphs in italics are those where we spent time discussing; non-italics represents elements worth sharing but without discussion in the group.

Gender and Guidance

  • This section got Houston thinking about how he’d interact with different genders. Also genders are non-binary. Jamie has experience being radically candid, but he was considered aggressive, maybe likely because he is male.
  • What is the definition of aggressive? Houston said, “Confrontational with tendencies toward violence.” The word does have negative connotation, and this can be a synonym for assertive. Language changes, and not everyone is at the table when those changes are happening. Psychometric evaluations call these different terms as well. We thought the word abrasive is usually what comes to mind.
  • If someone tells you to be more likable and gives you a list of things to do, how can you tell whether they’re being disingenuous vs. whether they genuinely want to be likable? People can often find incongruity, which may do more damage. Jameson added that you need to explain why their current behavior is causing issues.
  • Why Radical Candor may be harder for men managing women
    • “Criticism is a gift, and you need to give it it equal measure to your male and female direct reports.”
  • Why gender bias makes Radical Candor harder for women
    • “Frustrated beyond measure and feeling that she must choose between being liked and being successful, she decides that this is not a game worth playing — and quits.”
  • What can you do?
    • Men: don’t “pull punches” with women
      • This is difficult unless everyone realizes these are the rules of the new game.
    • Women: demand criticism
    • Men and women: things to think about when you feel a woman is being “too aggressive”
      • Switch genders
        • Geoff said he’s tried this approach before: If a male project manager acted this way, would I be reacting similarly?
      • Be more specific
      • Don’t use gendered language
      • Never just say, “Be more likable.”
    • Things to think about if you’re a woman who’s being told, “You’re abrasive.”
      • Never stop challenging directly
      • Care personally – but kill the angel in the office
      • The competence/likability research has not concluded that you weren’t out of line
      • Just because it’s wrong to kiss up and kick down doesn’t mean it’s right to do the opposite
      • Don’t write men off

Formal Performance Reviews

  • No surprises
  • Don’t rely on your unilateral judgment
    • Jameson said this isn’t even an option in his mind, given all of his reports work on different teams that he doesn’t see everyday. How would you even review someone without knowing them? You’d have to build your own 360 survey. For example: LMAP (leader multi-assessment of personality).
  • Solicit feedback on yourself first
    • “Asking each of my direct reports to give me a performance review before I gave them one was helpful.” Geoff said that this has been the case for him for the past three years thanks to HR-as-a-service offerings like BambooHR and Zenefits.
  • Write it down
    • Geoff added: If you didn’t write it down, it didn’t happen.
  • Make a conscious decision about when to give the written review
  • Schedule at least fifty minutes in person, and don’t do reviews back-to-back
    • Jameson learned this the hard way with 1:1s because this is how his boss did it. These meetings always run over.
    • Another recommendation we discussed was not having them on the same day; stagger them out.
  • Spend half the time looking back (diagnosis), half the time looking forward (plan)
  • Schedule regular check-ins to assess how the plan is working
  • Deliver the rating/compensation news after the performance review

Prevent Backstabbing

  • “You are a boss, not a diplomat. Shuttle diplomacy won’t work for you.” (Shuttle diplomacy: Negotiations conducted by a mediator who travels between two or more parties that are reluctant to hold direct discussions.)
  • We shared some stories about saying the culture is one way, people behave in another, then people get upset when calling out this incongruity. For example, Jamie’s former CEO said, “Stop being Minnesota nice,” Jamie took that to heart, and was then lost his team because of that attitude shift.

Peer Guidance

  • Geoff said that the recommended types of guidance here are useful to learn from, but may not work in all places. You can’t force it; culture is part directive, part emergent.
  • It takes a certain culture to adopt blameless post mortems. You have to be tolerant of failure. Also, it’s helpful to remove “bad” or “good” out of post mortems; state what happened, the observed outcome, and the desired outcome in the future. Be aware of your own biases and keep things from being personal.

Speaking Truth to “Power”

  • Explain it. Show it. Explain it again.
    • “Explain to each of your direct reports that you have two goals: 1) to help each of them become better bosses, and 2) to make sure people on the team feel comfortable giving them feedback directly.”
  • Ensure the meeting is “not for attribution.”
  • Take notes and project them.
  • Kick-start the conversation.
  • Prioritize issues.
  • Share notes right after the meeting.
    • Houston mentioned the author implied that these skip-level meetings are done in a group. This adds a layer of complexity of 1:1 (less efficient time-wise) vs. group-think.
  • Ensure that your directs make and communicate changes.
  • Have these meetings once a year for each of your direct reports
  • Skip level meeting FAQs
    • What if it becomes clear that the entire team has lost faith in their manager?
    • What if people don’t talk?
    • What if people won’t shut up?
    • How do you strike the right balance between being supportive of the boss you’re hearing about and being open to the team’s thoughts?