This week we focused on Chapter 2.
Chapter 2 – Get, Give, and Encourage Guidance
- On saying “um” too much… “Would you like me to recommend a speech coach for you?” Must be nice to have such luxuries in a company. A large portion of your job in leadership is to present things to others, so having communication skills would be useful.
- “You are one of the smartest people I know, but saying ‘um’ so much makes you sound stupid.” Geoff thought you could get the same message across by saying “makes you sound less smart.” There’s an assumption that “um” makes you sound unintelligent, as opposed to being less effective as a communicator.
- We talked about the role that accent plays in communication and the stereotypes that come with that.
- You need to ask people if they’re ready to have critical conversations when you just come out of a tense situation. We also discussed the timing about when you receive this information — just after the situation, or when things calm down.
- The four quadrants are not personality traits — all people spend different times in the quadrants. Call out behaviors, not people.
- “At least then people know what you think and where they stand, so your team can achieve results. This explains the advantage that assholes seem to have in the world.” Sometimes people’s physical presence can be intimidating (vocal quality, build, gesturing).
- “Blaming people’s internal essence rather than their external behavior leaves no room for change.”
- Having criticism that’s personal and contextually relevant is key. People realize you’re paying attention.
- Manipulative insincerity… People are too focused on being liked or they just don’t care about you. This sets off Jamie’s BS detector. You need to give a damn about the people you challenge; don’t worry if it’s not reciprocated.
- On Steve Jobs saying “No, Jony, you’re just really vain.”… Another example of Steve Jobs attacking the person, not the behavior. Maybe they have a deeper relationship that this would be better understood in the moment. We discussed whether you’d be able to deliver something sincerity with sarcasm; we don’t know if both are possible.
- “Be as specific and thorough with praise as with criticism. Go deep into the details.”
- “Start by asking for criticism, not by giving it. Don’t dish it out before you know you can take it.” Houston had an issue with how the author said to handle inappropriate behavior based on giving or receiving. Correct if it’s being given to others, absorb it if it’s being given to you.
- “…we have children, too!” is rather sarcastic and probably could have been said differently. How do you know when to receive sarcasm sincerely or whether to write it off? You need to know the tone, who else is in the room, and follow up individually if you’re unclear.
- On the story of Toyota making people call out things to improve where somebody asked for better tea, Geoff thought this was a neat idea but one can likely only take this so far. Jameson thought this request was from a troll (rhetorically); is that the most important thing to be fixed in the company? Houston pointed out this was a Japanese culture shift, where you don’t criticize superiors.
- “In other words, the notion of a ‘right’ ratio between praise and criticism is dangerous, because it can lead you to say things that are unnatural, insincere, or just plain ridiculous.” Houston liked the notion of spending time gathering facts about praising people (just as much time as you’d spend gathering facts for criticizing).
- “If I’m not firing you, you’re doing fine.” We’ve all heard this notion of “if you don’t hear from me, you’re doing fine.”
- “In my experience, people who are more concerned with getting to the right answer than with being right make the best bosses.”