Our new book club choice (recommended by Jamie) is Radical Candor by Kim Scott. This week we focused on the preface, introduction, and Chapter 1.
Preface to the Revised Edition
- “The Silicon Valley episode taught me something important: some people were using Radical Candor as a license to behave like jerks, conflating Obnoxious Aggression and Manipulative Insincerity with Radical Candor.” That’s hilarious. Here’s a book about what being a bad boss looks like got turned into “how to be a bad boss.”
- “…compassion is empathy plus action.”
- Geoff thought it was interesting and timely that Kim is writing a separate book to “build stamina for real conversations about diversity and inclusion.” Companies that are more diverse (and not just in one dimension) are more profitable. Their experiences drive their decision making process and communication (e.g., maybe having an opinion of technology with an eye toward privacy if you’re in a group that is typically tracked/oppressed, how your social platform integrates with your career).
- “That’s because [startups] start small, involve people who get to know each other really well, and are fighting for survival.” If radical candor isn’t involved, things degrade. “The culture becomes toxic — many kissing up and kicking down, few willing to speak truth to power.” It’s also not helpful to spend most of your time managing up instead of managing your direct reports. Most of us don’t work well in environments where your manager says, “If you don’t hear from me, you’re doing fine.”
Introduction
- “…the difficult but necessary part of being a boss: telling people clearly and directly when their work wasn’t good enough.”
- Kim described a situation where someone’s work wasn’t good enough, but couldn’t bring herself to address the problem, instead giving him false praise. We don’t like making people uncomfortable. People receiving criticism often have difficulty separating having your work criticized and having yourself criticized.
- People may not be receptive to criticism if you don’t care personally. Is the other person ready to have that conversation? Have a conversation about your emotions with others; this takes time to adjust to because people have assumptions.
- Eventually her team noticed she wasn’t calling out the bad work, and wondered if she “knew the difference between great and mediocre.”
- When going to Google, Kim said she had 27 interviews. How is this tolerated? Jamie said Microsoft does this via multiple back-to-back interviews over several days.
- “I’d always focused on the people most likely to be promoted.” This happens in pedagogy as well. Do you only focus on the best students, or do you teach to the lowest common denominator. Geoff has read an article about management as well. If you’re a multiplier, you’ll get better outcomes by helping the performers instead of the bottom-rung folks. The classroom uses tiered learning so you address every capability in your classroom (inclusive); for example, have the best students teach those that are struggling.
- Rock stars = solid as a rock, love doing what they do. Super stars = steep growth trajectory. As Jamie has said, you need both.
- It’s easy to confound autonomy and neglect.
- Use tools like DISC or Clifton Strengths to know how your people communicate so that you feed people in the way they need to be fed. As you learn things about people, there is a double-edged sword; you can use it to manipulate people or use it for good. That’s why some people don’t like to take these kinds of assessments.
- In Silicon Valley the war for talent is a big issue. “So the pressure in companies to get these relationships right is enormous.”
- “If you lead a big organization, you can’t have a relationship with everybody. But the relationships you have with your direct reports will impact the relationships they have with their direct reports. The ripple effect will go a long way toward creating — or destroying — a positive culture. Relationships may not scale, but culture does.”
- Having the “How to Use This Book” section was useful.
Chapter 1 — Build Radically Candid Relationships
- “Is my job to build a great company or am I really just some sort of emotional babysitter? … This is not babysitting. It’s called management, and it is your job!” Most companies don’t give managers enough capacity to work on this aspect.
- “We undervalue the ’emotional labor’ of being the boss.” Geoff is doing this both through coaching and through social 1:1s.
- “I prefer the word ‘boss’ because the distinction between leadership and management tend to define leaders as BSers who don’t actually do anything and managers as petty executors.” Jamie has experience with people claiming to be leaders (instead of someone else claiming you to be a leader). Dennis worked with someone whose LinkedIn profile said “What an IT Leader Should Be.” Dennis shared a story where he was recognized by management for being a leader, which made him uncomfortable; he prefers working as a peer instead of a leader. Jamie said modeling behavior is leading.
- “Why does everyone always want the next job when they haven’t even mastered the job they have yet? Why do millennials expect their career to come with instructions like a Lego set?” Geoff is guilty as charged on the second statement. Millennials were told they can be anything if they work hard, and that they’re special. The rub is that you may not get opportunities to do that. It’s not based on merit; there is a class structure. Another example: If I can do the work of a senior, why is that not my title/pay?
- Jamie mentioned a story where someone would rather hire someone with a C average over someone with an A average because the person that got the C worked harder to get that than the A person did.
- Know the generations (Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, Gen Z), their motivations, and their expectations in the workforce.
- “Guidance, team, and results: these are the responsibilities of any boss.”
- “…create a culture of guidance…understand what motivates each person…drive results collaboratively.”
- “To have a good relationship, you have to be your whole self and care about each of the people who work for you as a human being. It’s not just business; it’s personal, and deeply personal. I call this dimension ‘Care Personally.'”
- “And yet challenging people is often the best way to show them that you care when you’re the boss. This dimension I call ‘Challenge Directly.'”
- “‘Radical Candor’ is what happens when you put ‘Care Personally’ and ‘Challenge Directly’ together.”
- “As the people who report to you become more Radically Candid with each other, you spend less time mediating.”
- “…nobody feels comfortable being who they really are at work.” This is the emotional drain of being two people throughout the day. Geoff highly recommends the book An Everyone Culture. You need the right culture to be appreciated for who you are personally.
- “…modeling the behavior yourself by showing vulnerability to people who report to you…and creating a safe space for others to do the same.” This is so much easier if it’s the norm for everyone to do and it feels genuine (i.e., not leadership pageantry).
- “Just remember that being a boss is a job, not a value judgment.”
- “It’s about acknowledging that we are all people with lives and aspirations that extend beyond those related to our shared work.”
- “Not by experience alone. There must be discussion, to show how experience is to be interpreted.” Geoff likes the requirement of dialogue.
- “Eliminate the phrase ‘don’t take it personally’ from your vocabulary — it’s insulting. Instead, offer to help fix the problem.”
- We found the concept of “front-stabbing” amusing ; it’s better than back-stabbing.
- Radical candor is not about nitpicking. “So do it only for things that really matter.”
- “Even if your boss and peers have not bought in to this method, you CAN create a Radically Candid microcosm for yourself and the people on your team. … But ultimately, if it’s not possible to be Radically Candid with your boss and peers, I’d recommend finding a different kind of work environment if at all possible.”
- “Radical Candor is not about schmoozing…” Sometimes your relationship as a boss can make socializing awkward. You want to have equitable solutions where people feel accommodated.
- “They get measured at the listener’s ear, not the speaker’s mouth.”
- Geoff was glad Kim called out the cultural aspect of how feedback is received. People in the American South avoid conflict, whereas Israelis are more direct. The reframing of Radical Candor to “politely persistent” for a company in Tokyo was neat in that it captures the same sentiment. Gender roles in culture also play an aspect.
- The British have “…an education system that stresses oral argument as much as written.” Geoff wishes he had more experience in this.